Death seems better…

“Oh that I might have my request, and that God would fulfill my hope, that it would please God to crush me, that he would let loose his hand and cut me off!” Job 6: 8-9

My husband and I are scheduled to minister today out of town. Laying in my hotel room at 4am I woke up upset. Why? Because I woke up! This is the third time I’ve prayed and asked God to please take me to Heaven. He keeps ignoring me. Death feels like a welcome friend. I will never commit suicide, never ever. But if the rapture doesn’t come soon, I’m ok with God taking me home. Why? Because I am tired of daily chronic pain!

Is my desire a heinous sin against the Author of life? Am I the only believer who thinks this way?

I decided to go through the hall of faith to see if I am alone in my request.

God has heard such petitions before. For different reasons, at different times, from different pits, men and women of God have prayed to be taken away. And the prayers we find in Scripture don’t just come from normal saints like us, but from the ones we would least expect to struggle in this life: leaders and heroes of God’s people.

  1. Moses (Weary Leader): “If you will treat me like this, kill me at once.” Numbers 11:15
  2. Jonah (Angry Messenger): “Please take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live.” Jonah 4:3
  3. Elijah (Fearful Prophet): “Elijah was afraid, and he arose and ran for his life. . . And he asked that he might die, saying, ‘It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers.’”   1 Kings 19:3-4
  4. Paul (Eager Apostle): “My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better.” Phillippians 1:23

Job’s well-known trial just wipes me out! The Lord denied Job’s request. He had more compassion to give, more mercy, more communion, even more children waiting for Job on the other side of his heartache. Job couldn’t imagine how his life might turn out to glorify God’s grace. As James summarizes, “You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.” James 5:11

If you have asked God to take your life as I have, let the above examples scream at you as they did with me. One of the truths to realize is that you (we) are not alone!

God wants me (us) to press into his presence and wait patiently before his throne. He’s calling us to come before him with thanksgiving, even if we’re still waiting on a promise. Since I am still alive, God is reminding me through scripture that, “You will not die, you will live long and fulfill God’s assignment for your life.” So I guess I may as well pray for healing on this side and stand and endure until He sees fit to take me home!

Some sufferers may not find comfort in the fairy-tale ending of Job, but his renewed fortunes are only a glimpse of what awaits us when we meet Christ. We have to continue believing and continue trusting. This dark night is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory
2 Corinthians 4:17.

34 thoughts on “Death seems better…”

  1. Lady Patrice,
    The Lord has shown me this scripture multiple times this month. I hope it will bring comfort to you
    Behold, I am doing a new thing: now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert

    1. Sorry Aunt Josie, I’m being totally transparent and vulnerable but I pray that each reader who may feel the way I’ve feel will be encouraged and know that God’s got us and this present suffering is not worthy to be compared to the joy that’s to be revealed to us..(Romans 8:18) is my encouragement on today! Hearing of a childhood pastor who transitioned today makes me jealous and joyful for him!

      1. I’m reminded the scripture says 1 Corinthians 10:13 paraphrasing no temptation has.
        overtaken us. God in his faithfulness won’t let you be tempted beyond you can bear.
        Even myself all through my daughters life I had to endure allot negativity from others.
        that told me to give up on her for so many times not counting years. I’t hadn’t been
        easy it built me to continue to fight. It’s hard to see your loved one suffering but Gods
        Grace and Mercy helped her through the Grand Ma seizures and constant pain. Even a
        doctor had the audacity to tell me her time was up. I know longsuffering not pleasant. The Lord in all of his loving kindness will not fail you and healing is on this side some
        get it on the other side. Just watching your joyfulness, you display daily you would never know you’re enduring this on a consistent basis. We as believers were not judging you by no means we’ll keep you in our prayers speak healing over your body and mind. You are a great inspiration and a Warrior in prayer as well and a wonderful psalmist anointed to teach as well. God has greater coming your way continue to let your light so shine.

  2. Well said my sister! God has a plan for each and every one of us (Jeremiah 29:11). And His way is always better! God bless and keep you as you continue to pour out to others the work He has planned for you. And may He heal you and give you great strength to overcome any challenges.

  3. You are such a gift to this world that I can’t imagine it without you, but I hear your pain and pray earnestly for healing. I love you!

    1. I love you my cherished and precious KatieBelle. I will endure it until HE decides to heal me either on this side or the other side, I am just so tired. I love you! Your bonus mom ❤️

    2. tolliver gloria

      I totally agree, Katie…💜🙏

      My dearest Treasie:
      I completely understand. I experience the same issues…related to chronic, severe, debilitating, daily, whole-body joint pain, inability to walk, pre-diabetes, and thyroid irregularities since July 2020..

      The problem is that those chronic health problems cause physiological issues that produce hormonal imbalances in the body….which (over an extended period of time), directly causes the ‘propensity to let go syndrome’. I made up the name for the syndrome…😍….but I guarantee you, that’s the source of the longing for the ‘freedom from this agony’.

      Neither the human body, nor the human psyche, was built for ‘years of prolonged, severe, daily suffering’. When the suffering ceases, the desire to leave will truly lessen or completely leave.

      We study, speak, and walk the Word. Healing is God’s children’s Bread. We are His Children. WE SHALL SEE OUR HEALING MANIFESTED. 🙏 💜🎊💯💯💯

      1. Thank you! I trust your words in this post and I’m trusting, praying and praying for a breakthrough. It just feels like so long and it’s depressing!! Again thank you so much.

  4. First Lady thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, words and above all God’s desires for not only for you but me as well dealing with health issues wanting to be free from pain. I so agree with you “to pray for healing on this side and stand and endure until He sees fit to take us home”. Love peace and blessings❤

    1. I heard a good friend say that it ain’t nothing to it but to go through it, even on challenging hard days God carries us Sis Linda. I pray for your health and endurance. In His Love & mine ❤️

  5. Amen!!!! This so true my sister. Yes, I am praying to our father, what do you want me to do until you return for me.

  6. My heart goes out to you for how you must feel. I can only imagine the feelings you must have from pain and suffering. It brings to mind how my mom must have felt prior to leaving us so soon. What this does make me think of in my darkest moments is the hope that God helps me to achieve His purpose for my life as soon as possible. I can then understand the reasons for the trials that I encounter. In this is my only true hope of experiencing great joy in this earthly vessel.

  7. It’s not your time my sister. Saddens me, to hear this. He has more work for you in this life. My heart goes out to you. I will continue to pray for your healing.

  8. It’s not your time my sister. Saddens me, to hear this. He has more work for you in this life. My heart goes out to you. I will continue to pray for your healing.

  9. Minister, your raw and honest words remind me that we overcome by the blood of the lamb and the words of our testimony (Rev 12:11)
    I pray all of these wonderful replies minister and promote continual healing to the emotional state of us all. Many examples of Jesus’ love and promise to deliver have been written here. Asking the Father to bind up all the infirmities as we witness your complete healing.
    Love you💞

  10. Philippians 1:23-24 NIV
    23 I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; 24 but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.

    You are not alone in your sentiments, as others, including the Apostle Paul felt likewise. If we’re honest, every born again Saint who’s been saved long enough, has most likely felt as you do. Until our deliverance comes, we will continue to press on, fight the good fight of faith, and complete our Kingdom assignment. Praying for you!

  11. Wow, auntie. I didn’t know you felt this way. 1) I’m praying so hard for your healing 2) I wish I couldn’t relate to this as much as I do, but I understand full well how earthly suffering makes you long for your eternal home all the more.

    I pray that God will heal and restore your body on this side of heaven so that your husband, children, grandchildren, and hosts of family and friends can continue to love on you and be blessed by having your presence here on earth. Love you deeply, and I appreciate you sharing your heart because these are real emotions and thoughts that many saints experience…

  12. Child hood friend

    My soul longs to be with Jesus. My prayers are with you and many others who suffer from chronic illness. Thank you for your candor

  13. Charmelle Royal

    Good Afternoon, My hope and prayers for you are that God will heal your body. You have such grace in you that fertilizes this earth.
    I have a daughter with a disability. She was back and forth in the hospital so much, and the thought/ fear of her leaving me was so great that in my mind l was killing her every day. Finally one day I decided to let her live. And unbelievably there was
    a chance in her body she’s much healthier, with fewer visits to the doctor and fewer hospitalizations
    It isn’t always easy and the thoughts may try to creep up on me sometimes but l felt l owed that to her, and l owed it to God, after all, he does all things well.

    Love you, my sister. You are in my prayers❤️
    1corthintians 6;19-20
    Mathew 6;34

  14. This is a hard truth, for life to be so hard that you long for death. But at the same time, as Christians we should long for our true home. And is the Bible says, “precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints,” then there’s something to be said for believers who long to die and to be in God’s presence.

  15. I am so encouraged by your transparency. Thank you for sharing the scriptures that are keeping you through this trial. I am going through some health challenges and I am now inspired to go deeper into the Word. God bless you and heal you completely. Today, I will hold on to this verse, Philippians 1:6. Our God is able. ❤️

  16. Your willingness to be open is helping so many people.
    Your story encourages me in my own journey of chronic back pain, I KNOW He has healed me and I’m waiting for it’s manifestation in my life. My dad always quoted Luke 8:50, “fear not believe only.” He got his healing and I shall have mine as well.
    Love you ❤️

  17. This was an on-time message. I too have been in the place where I thought death would be better. I’m sure there are many more women who have felt the same and never voiced it publicly. The article you shared was so transparent and no doubt will encourage many to continue to live out God’s purpose for their lives.

  18. I can understand where you’re coming from and thank you for being vulnerable enough to share. I know that it’s not just you who felt that way. There are many of us that felt that way. None of us have suffered as much as Jesus did on the cross. He beard all of our sins. There are things that we will go through and we are ready to go home. We get sick and tired of being sick and tired, and in your case it is literally. But as you plate says, you are God’s girl. I can not imagine constant chronic pain. I get a charlie horse and I am begging God for relief. You’ve seen Sanford and Son, the father was always ready to go when there was trouble-talking to his late wife Elizabeth, lol. We have to be patient and wait on the Lord and see what else it is that He will have us to do. We would really like to finish or purpose complete or assignments and die empty knowing that we have done all that we were assigned to do. Now what I would like for us to focus on is the deliverance of stress and anxiety. Ask God to show you how to let things go. When we hold on to things it produces stress and anxiety. Those two things can cause serious things to happen in your body. We must learn to let things go weather it is good or bad. Once you have done your best, let go and let God. My prayer for you is to not have to wait to get to glory to be stress free and to be released from pain. I pray that you experience it now, here on earth as you will in heaven. But you must do your part here. If you do your part in trying to let it go after you have done your best, then God will step in and take care of the rest. I love you and I am praying with you. The blessing is on the way- Believe for it!

  19. Hi Beautiful, thank you for sharing. Having an up close experience and opportunity to spend time with you afforded me the opportunity to see who you are. A beautiful, strong, courageous, tenacious, funny God-fearing woman. Thank you for allowing God’s beauty and strength to be displayed in your time of weakness and pain.

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