Pain to Promise

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How is it possible to be all Christmassy when your heart is hurting? How do you comfort a friend or family member when their loss is so enormous and all you have to offer is prayer and empathy? Is that even enough? Are words enough? I currently bear the burdens of many who are suffering; I grieve alongside those who have suffered so much loss this year: relationally, spiritually, financially, and physically. If my heart aches this much just by walking alongside those who are hurting, I wonder how I would ever keep it together if I found myself in their shoes.

I can recall talking to my closest friend after my husband’s first love, his mother, transitioned to Heaven. She mentioned that the first milestones will be painful reminders of what once was. When I can’t hug a person’s heart and heal the longing they have to be with their loved ones, I search for scripture to offer comfort. Jesus bore the burden of our pain and understands it firsthand (Hebrews 4:15). I hurt because my husband hurts. He has suffered so much loss and to watch someone grieve is devastating because there’s nothing you can really do to lighten the load.

I want to encourage all of us to have the conversation with God and cast our cares and hurt on Him. Whatever has shaken your world, whatever loss you’ve experienced, give it to Jesus. He will take our burdens and exchange them for His hope and a renewed perspective.

When the holidays are hard, remember this: what we focus on we magnify. Let’s not focus on what we have lost, instead focus on what’s left. There are new memories to make and embrace as you continue your journey through life. Many things may change, and familiar things may fade, but God remains the same (Hebrews 13:8). His faithful love prevails and as he draws close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18) we can rest knowing we are safe in His arms.

This Post Has 22 Comments

  1. Alisa

    Sis I know feeling all so well. God carries us through. We remember all the precious memories and glorious times spent with our loves. This time of year is definitely the hardest. Just being there means so much.
    GOD BLESS! 💗

  2. Talitha Johnson

    Great timing! Thanks for sharing 💞

  3. Leander

    Your words today are truly comforting. I recently lost someone close to me and now I feel it’s ok to feel emotional without feeling guilty in a season of celebration. Thank you!

  4. Briana Jay

    Wow, thank you

  5. Karen

    This right here!!! Omg! 😢😢

  6. Hurting..

    I hurt so bad! Thank you for remembering to pray for us who find it hard to celebrate. God bless you! Please keep writing!

  7. Cynthia K.

    I read this twice this morning! Thanks for reminding me that there is a comforter even in the midst of this pain. The loss of my sister, my only sister is unbearable! My parents are decease and now it’s just me. Thank you for your blog post! They help me so much! Merry Christmas to you and your family.

  8. K. Reed

    I do have the conversations, like why take my only child? It hurts beyond words! I will love on other folks children now because I can never have another baby. I am going to force myself to be happy. Thanks for the scriptures. It helps.

  9. Kecia T.

    Your timing is always a blessing! Great post!

  10. Bethany

    Amen! It’s been 3 years since my parents passed and normally this time of year would be hard! I had to take God at His word and trust him and He continues to carry me in between the tears! Thank you for this post! Thank you for encouraging so many!

  11. M. Webber

    I’ve chosen to serve others while I am in so much pain and I know that that will bring me a sense of peace! Great read!

  12. S. Ruiz

    I’m like you, I have my family in tact for now but we never know when it will be our turn! Merry Christmas to you and your family classmate!

  13. Misty Rivers

    I like your blog and miss your emails but happy to still follow your journey. This is a great newsletter. I forwarded it to a friend who just lost a close family member. Great job Patrice!

  14. FCOG Member

    Grief is the price we pay for loving! #BishopClarke
    Great post First Lady!

  15. Blake

    Man did this hit home for me and my family! Thanks for the scripture references! Powerful!

  16. CalGal

    Thank you for caring enough to post this. It’s hard but my faith is what keeps me going. Blessings

  17. Sabrina

    I realize that my love ones who are gone were on loan to me, I will never forget them and I only pray that I can leave my imprint on my children. Death is hard but I press hard to make the most of my time on earth. Thank you! Merry Christmas to your family Mrs. Baker

  18. Floyd

    This year after I lost my mom I decided to gift some of her belongings to some of her close family and friends. That’s how I am coping with her loss. The new memories I plan to make is to celebrate her instead of being sad, because I really miss her, I just want to remember her through giving because she was a giver. I know she is with The King and I will indeed see her again. Merry Christmas.

  19. Kim

    Thank you for this post. It’s hard to be happy when a piece of your heart is not with you. I wish my faith was as strong. Separation is hard. My dad told me that he wanted me to continue on and I will do just that. Making new traditions is in order but it’s so hard. Thanks for sharing your faith.

  20. Dawn Wyler

    This is the second year without my husband. My boys, ages 8, 7 and 4 are doing well, it’s just me. I met someone a couple of months ago because my parents want me to date but I feel like I am betraying my husband. I know it sounds crazy but it’s so hard. We were married for 11 years and I see him clearly in each one of my sons. It’s hard but I know that I must carry on and I am seeing a counselor but the pain just won’t go away. I have to think that one day it will but for now I find it very difficult around the holidays to be happy because He loved Christmas especially so much. I appreciate your words but until you experience the ultimate pain of loss it’s so extremely hard to carry on. I don’t want to diminish what you are suggestion and maybe one day I will get there but right now I just want the new year to hurry up and come. Thank you for your prayers for those of us you may never meet, it is kind of you to consider us when you have not walked this devastating road, I would not wish this on my worse enemy. Trying hard to be positive. Please keep the Wyler family in your thoughts this holiday. Thank you.

  21. Carolyn R.

    Merry Christmas to you and your family. Thank you for this. I recently went through a divorce in February and it feels like death. I know that I must move on. I find comfort in knowing that I tried and I will perhaps get another chance to love someone deeply again.

  22. Felina S.

    I want to encourage your readers. I too have suffered from the loss of loved ones. While it is hard I have to allow their memories to push me out of a funk. I immediately went to counseling after the death of my cousin who was like a sister to me, then the following year I lost her mom who adopted me when I was 4. They gave me unconditional love. I can’t have children and I decided to adopt. The process was long but I was determined to give someone what I received. I had no clue that I would adopt two beautiful souls who remind me so much of my mom and sister. I believe that they were gifted to me so I make a decision to celebrate life and keep those who have transitioned forever in my heart. I will forever remember that they were gifted to me but God decided to allow them to take residence somewhere else. You see to me they are not dead, they are more alive now and I tell my children about them and I look forward to the reunion we will have one day in Heaven. So I rejoice today, I celebrate today as a gift. The greatest gift was given. I have the opportunity to tell my children about the gift giver and also make new memories. Great read and I especially enjoyed reading the comments. I am praying for each person who is struggling that you will find the joy in being blessed to have had such precious souls to love. Merry Christmas to you Patrice. I met you at your teatime and I love reading your blogs. My prayers to your husband.

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